matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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