well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
