Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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