Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
