I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize