I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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