made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
