then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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