it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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