There is no way he is gay with that hair.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
