Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
