is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
