don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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