you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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