alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
