ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
