i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize