You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
