Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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