So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
