6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
