Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize