she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
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we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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