FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
