I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
