Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
