no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize