If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
