What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
