I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
