I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
