Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
