is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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