His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
