I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
