she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
