I got chris browned last night
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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