I'm so fucking centered right now
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
