I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
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I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
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Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?