So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
50% drunk capacity currently
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
