I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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