Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
