The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
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He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
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I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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