Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
