My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Randomize
