on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
