You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
