I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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