How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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