Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
