So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
