My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
