i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
