I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
