I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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