Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
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I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize