Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
