it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
