tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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