So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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