WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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